


An escape that only leads to being trapped.

by A_R_Alistair



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blood, Death, Non fictional fiction, Regret, Suicide, based off of myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 04:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9417839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_R_Alistair/pseuds/A_R_Alistair
Summary: I wrote this a while back and I don't know why but I felt the urge to post it (I guess it helps that no one knows me personally on here) I tagged it as twenty one pilots becasue I had no clue how Wilde to tag it and the people in this fandom are like family.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read through this since I wrote it but then again I do that with most of the stuff I write. 
> 
> So basicly this is something that was written by me along with my undiagnosed depression. 
> 
> Around the time this was written prepared to commit suicide but before I did I found Tyler and Josh and their music. They helped me out of the state in which I was prepeared to kill my self and for that I owe them both my life. 
> 
> I found out that writing had helped Tyler so i decided to try it. Instead of physically killing myself I had another version of myself do so. And that's what you are reading. 
> 
> I am nothing special and many people have gone through much worse than I have. Many have commuted self harm much like I have. 
> 
> I am not telling you all this to get pitty it's just so you can learn something about me and my life before I allow you to see a part of me that I am afraid to let people see. It is also so you know why I wrote this, nothing annoys me more than people who write about Depression as if it is just something you can will away. It sticks with you much like the scars it leaves behind. 
> 
> So, dear stranger. I would say enjoy but it doesn't feel correct for this so I will just say I hope it helps you if you are going through something, remember you are not alone in this and as I have been taught by Tyler and Josh Stay alive.

*TYLERS POV*

There I was sliding father and father out of conciseness, watching blood pour out thinking that no one would care. Knowing when I was out there was no returning, the darkness was slowly consuming me and I lost all sense of pain.

It was in some way relaxing almost comforting, all my life I had wondered what it would feel like and now here I was, no more pain no more suffering no more heart ache caused by those around me. 

I remembered thinking what would happen when they found me, laying on the floor with a knife in my hand. Would they try to save me not realizing I was already too far gone? I assumed not as no one had tried to save me when I was still alive, it seemed that they didn't realize how much pain I was in, almost like they didn't care. 

Would they shed even a lone tear? Or would they turn their back on my passing and act like I was never there? Would they come to the funeral? Or just not bother to attend. Would they save even a small memory of me? Or just try and forget. 

I didn't know what had driven me off the edge, what caused me to make it all stop with a simple stab of the knife. Their was a time in which I feared death, where I prayed for it not to come and yet in that moment it was all I wanted. 

I could hear my heart hammer in my chest at an increasingly fast rate, as if it were some how trying to revive me from my inevitable end, not realizing that it was already too late to do anything. Then it began to slow growing tired from pumping blood through my now lifeless body before coming to a complete stop. 

I saw my life flash before my eyes, I saw all of the good things that I had so easily forgotten as I was so focussed on the bad that slowly consumed me, Driving closer and closer to insanity. 

I thought that what I had done was the only way out but I was mistaken. And suddenly I regretted my decision but I knew I couldn't take it back. I wished with all my no longer beating heart for just a few more seconds before I part. 

Then came the bad and I remembered in an instant why I did what I had done. There came the put downs, the people that constantly told me I wasn't good enough. 

At first I could ignore it, telling my self that it simply wasn't true, but eventually I couldn't help but think that maybe they were correct, and it became harder and harder to pick myself back up, until eventually I myself was one of the people who said I wasn't good enough. 

Sooner or later the mental pain grew too much as I had no one to talk to that would understand my pain, so I turned to physical pain as I thought that the hurt from the freshly cut wound would allow me to forget about the mental agony I was in and at first it worked. 

It began with a few shallow self inflicted wounds, easily covered up with my watch and sleeve and healed within a week at most leaving no trace of ever existing, but eventually it stopped helping and the cuts became deeper and longer and left scars as they went but still no one noticed. 

Then I saw it flashing before my eyes the moment where I lost it all in a moment of growing pain. When all had turned their back on me and sadness filled my head. I studied the scars now covering my arm that had collected over the years and grabbed the kitchen knife tears filling my eyes. 

I sat on the floor of my silent bedroom and wrote a note to no one in particular and hid it away so that no one could find it. I held the knife tightly and with one shaky breath I plunged it into my stomach and pulled it out watching as the warm blood soaked into my shirt and began to pool around me. 

Oh well it was my fault for not being good enough, I got exactly what I deserved, this is what I asked for and I got it and no matter how badly I wanted to there was no turning back, it seems that my escape only lead to being trapped once agin only this time there was no way out.


End file.
